What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
