i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
