a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
