omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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