Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
