Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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