What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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