she woke up with a sticky ear
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
