Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
