He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
