is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
