thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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