His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
