i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
