I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
