her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
