so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
