Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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