Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
