just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
