Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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