Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
