Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize