she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
