Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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