The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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