im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
