just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
