what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
