the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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