May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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