dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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