Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I forget how to act sober
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
