Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
