Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
