Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That accounts for only three of the penises
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
