you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
