Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
