that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
