so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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