I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Couch. On fire.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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