I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
