Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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