I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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