I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
