I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I understand Curling. That high.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
