a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just puked most of my soul out..
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