i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
