we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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