Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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