i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
