I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Panties = found
Randomize
