I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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