That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
