dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
