i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
