Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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