One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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