Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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