shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
