Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
