I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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