Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
