I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
