you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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