his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
