New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
