Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
