i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
