who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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