He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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