I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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