Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
