I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
