I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize