In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
