I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
