Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
