I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
