lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
