I'm drive I can fine osifer
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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