I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
