I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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