We won't sleep together?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
