i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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