and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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