so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
