saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
