Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
