can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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